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Kind

by Clotworthy

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1.
04:24
2.
05:00
3.
04:34
4.
5.
04:26

about

The self-awareness, growing up album.

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released 29 May 2015

Written, produced, and performed by A. Clotworthy in a Frederick, MD bedroom.

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Clotworthy Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Please direct all inquiries to clotworthysongs@gmail.com

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Track Name: Over My Head
I picked you up at Guilford Blvd
A bag of pot in your hand
You sat by me
We drove an hour
I wish you didn't live so far away

Too young, much too young
What the hell am I doing here?
Nobody ever notices me
Help me out to feel again

I'm over my head

I have tried to will my life into
Something interesting
Bend the piece into what I think I need
Regardless of the fit

I know it seems
Like maybe I was just using you
I swear that wasn't the case
I just thought if I could love somebody
That I might find my place
Track Name: Unremarkable
I'm sure of the signs
The load-bearing frames of my mind
Are worn
And buckle every day
Under the weight
Of an ambition
And the reality
That it's not enough

I'm terrified of aging
As my heroes fall
I still have yet to accomplish a thing
Oh, what do you do
When you're unremarkable at the thing you want to do the most?
You just teach it, I guess

With all I have
I swear to god that I'll destroy myself
Before I ever get it right
Before I'm ever satisfied
I can't be satisfied
Please don't let me be forgotten

I'm terrified of aging
As my heroes fall
I still have yet to accomplish a thing
Oh, what do you do
When you're unremarkable at the thing you want to do the most?

Well, you give it up and forget it
And leave it all behind

Or you can do it anyway
Track Name: Bother
Did I miss something? I'm not sure
But I was greeted by the slam of a door
Am I supposed to carry the weight
Of my own, ever-growing mistakes?
Shouldn't everyone obsess over nothing
The way I do?

Apparently I believed that was true.

How much longer can I use the excuse
Of transitioning into the world from youth?
What ever happened to empathy?
Why isn't anyone paying attention to me?
Is it my fault? No.
I'm sure that it couldn't be.
I'll just run away.

A familiar refrain.

Time marches on.
I'll get out of town, find some different friends
Like I do.
I soldier on without bandaging the wound
All I'm doing is fading away.

[Apology to a friend]
Track Name: Worrying Heart
I'm grateful for many things
Least of all is my worrying heart
It takes the good in life
And poisons it with a bad idea

I do the best I can to stay aligned
Then a new worry breaks

No, I didn't mean to treat
Everyone so carelessly
I know it's a bad excuse
Shut it out before it turns into abuse

I know there's so much good in the world
That I won't let myself see

Just let it go
You can't live in fear
Of potential pain
Sometimes life hurts
But you can't be controlled
By your worrying heart

I use the word "I" too much
Tunnel vision keeps me out of touch
No more will I let the fact
That I'm sad be an excuse not to fight being sad
Track Name: Frightened
Late in the night
A shadow on the wall
In which you think that you see
A definition...
A malevolent spirit of anger and grief.
Remember when you were ten
And home by yourself
The figure seemed not unlike
A presence from hell
Now you're sure that is ludicrous.

Born of the fear
You run away from everything
That you can't control
Head in a cloud
A sentinel to keep an eye
On your frightened soul
You wanted to be comfortable
So you're standing in place
A hand outstretched begins to seem
A threatening chase
Live in what you know, and never grow.

Fight or flight
You can faint at sight of blood
Or steel yourself to
The cold, naked fact that life is neither cruel
Nor will it cater to you
When you think back to the day
When youth was an excuse
Do you still hide from what is not
An obvious truth?
Or do you simply live?